Posted by Dan in CO(Lucky) on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 at 12:50PM :
Here is a brief description of models of capitalism using cow examples.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows.
You sell one, borrow a little capital, and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell your cows and retire on the profit.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
CANADIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, borrow a little capital, and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, then the government confiscates all but two cows to cover taxes....You turn on the hockey game.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Now sell one cow to buy a new politician, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull and your stock grows.
FRENCH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
BRITISH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Both are mad.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CAPITALISM: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
INDIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You worship them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
MEXICAN CAPITALISM: You have no cows. You cross the border by night to milk American cows and send milk home.
ISRAELI / PALESTINIAN CAPITALISM: You have one cow, they have one cow.
You bulldoze their cow, they blow up yours. You both appeal to the world for foreign aid.
TEXAS CAPITALISM: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda
cute...
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